Camel Toe Free

The Seven Subjects I learnt at Marwari Business School (MBS)

On the last day of my ICSE exam (10th standard finals), my Nani (Grand mother) offered me a free seat into the Marwari Business School.

I was 16 and I had the opportunity to go and sit in my Nana's (Grand father) office.

I took up the offer.

These are the seven subjects I learnt:

M = Monetization Mentality

For Marwari's, money pretty much means everything. It's the 'currency' of success - pun intended. People are sized and measured not by their waist sizes but by the width of their balance sheet. A Marwari's religion is making money and they meditate on it.

What Monetization and its terms means is also unique for Marwari's.

For instance, I learnt that Revenue was not what you 'bill' or 'pass-thru' or 'recognize'. Revenue was always what you 'net-net' earned that came in your coffers.

Revenue is bottom line for a Marwari - not top line.

Also, the facets of revenue became very clear to me. Every capital investment (be it land, or machine or even cars and computers) had a 'monetization expectation' attached to it. You could spend on things only if they made money. Hence ordering flowers for office tables in a typical Marwari office would be disallowed (despite the plea that they enhance profitability).

This 'monetization mentality' made me create what I believe was the most detailed costing breakup of any socks factory in the world. I took 3 years to 'post mortem' the cost of everything we incurred (whether real or notional in terms of interest lost) and link it back to revenues that were being earned. So, I could tell you that if you ran extra air-conditioning in the office building, then 'X' was the revenue that needed to be generated to make a PROFIT on that extra spend.

Also, I learnt that revenue was something to be always 'improved' - not just by price hikes alone. If collecting money from debtors were improved by 3 days, then there would 'X' reduction on bank overdrafts and hence extra income to the firm etc.

A = Accounting Archery

All successful Marwaris really know their accounting. Trial Balances, P&L statements and Balance sheets are the juiciest novels that a Marwari reads. What they clearly understand is the concept of 'Capital' & how Capital gets generated at the lowest cost and how that same Capital then needs to be exploited to the fullest.

'Creativity' in accounting was the highlight of what I learnt. I remember when I was 17, an uncle sent me to his Chartered Accountant (CA) to finalize and close my Uncle's books. Like a good student, I prepared the P&L and presented it to Mr. CA, along with the 'tax' liability. He chuckled and then called up my Uncle in my presence on a speakerphone. I expected Mr. CA to tell my Uncle what I had prepared. Instead Mr. CA asked my Uncle 'Babu (Sir), how much tax do you feel like paying this year'? My Uncle grudgingly muttered a number and that was the end of the call. Then Mr. CA took my P&L and completely re-crafted the numbers (and believe me legitimately) to perfectly match the tax outgo my Uncle wanted to pay!

Random Tuesday Thoughts – I'm At The Beach_Momspective | Momspective

I waited on a WWE wrestler -

Ronnie Aaron Killings.  He’s quite nice.  Gave me $15.

His girlfriend (I’m assuming) is wicked nice and he likes to have cheesecake with his meal.

Cold hard facts.  That’s what I deliver.

I also got a girl REALLY drunk and she tipped me way more than I’m sure she meant to and she came back the very next day and got a job.  She was training today.  I have decided it’s not the time to let her know how much she tipped because I’m afraid she’ll ask for it  back and I’m about 100% sure she took a Stella glass (she admitted it) so I’m just going to be glad a super cool chick got hired.

I worked from noon until the end of the Panthers game Saturday.  Made like $117 and some bbq potato skins.  I had fun.  I decided to go commando so Carolina won.  If you know me -which you should – you know about No Pants Sunday .  “No Panties Saturday” prevailed and we opened the pre-season with a win against the Giants.  I totally called it.

Yep.  That’s right.  If I’m not wearing pants and I’m super focused on the game Carolina will win.  I’ve  been in the paper  (well this is about the Super Bowl thing but I was in the paper back when No Pants Sunday first started too.  I have the hard copy) so I’m legit.

Saturday I had to work the game so I had to wear yoga pants.  I’m sick of thongs because they jam themselves so far up my ass crack I’m practically coughing them out like a hairball so I decided to free-vagina.  I’m not sure I’m into it.  I don’t have to worry about camel toe because I wear an apron so free-vagainaing is is okay to do I just need to buy about five pairs of yoga pants because I work a lot and I pee a lot and well I need more than one pair of yoga pants if I’m going to free-vagina.

Geez.  Get all up in my business and shit why don’t you?

I wish I could post about all of the awesome things I’m doing in Charleston right now but I can’t because I wrote this Sunday morning since I’m going straight from the beach to work.  I’m going to stop writing now because I have to get Wednesday’s thing ready.  You don’t want to miss that, Courtney and I went to Asheville a while back and drunk dialed Acadia from Superficial Gallery and this is the video footage of that.  Fucking quality stuff.

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