Dealing With Difficult Coworkers

4 Steps to De-Stressing your Life

Life takes us to landscapes that we do not consciously choose to visit. We do not want to deal with a sick parent, a disobedient teenager, a stubborn partner, loss of a job, difficult co-workers, a health issue or our inability to manifest financial success or even accept unfair rules in society. 

We want to challenge the status quo, detach from our parents, force our children to become something else. We become angry about the way things are. Our personal power vanishes along with the power we give to the environment.

At this point, we are not only stressed about the situation we are dealing with, but with our inability to change it. We become resentful and overflowing with feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. Unfortunately, stress has become us! Now we believe we are victims, completely giving our power away to the environment.

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Now, those around us and the events occurring in our lives have full control of or ability to think, feel and make sound decisions.     

These are the times when we feel raw inside. Our emotions speak of thoughts we entertain in such a way that we believe the world is collapsing at our feet. The internal stress we experience takes the form of an impenetrable wall rising all the way to heavens. In our mind, we have decided that there is no way out. We feel trapped and numbed up by the daunting approach to our present and future.

I have realized that whenever I feel distressed or depressed about a certain situation, the impulsive action I want to engage in right away is to fix the situation. Unfortunately, trying hard to make things better, to repair it, adds a new dimension of vulnerability to my already heightened state of mind.

Below, are a few of the lessons I have learned through attempting to make sense of my own rawness and pain as well as through working with clients who wanted to de-stress their lives. Read along, keeping in mind that you have the option of tailoring your own way of de-stressing your life. You have more power than you can imagine! You can follow the guidelines I suggest, remembering that ultimately your own truth is waiting for you to be discovered.

Sit in silence: I have learned that before we want to fix the problem, we must understand the messages life is trying to give us.  It is said, “Life is our best teacher.”  Let us take this advice to heart and make an effort to understand what our life wants from us.  If my parent is sick, what about it bothers me?  Am I upset that my time is taken away by this situation?  Do I feel disappointed that I can’t offer more help?  Or maybe I take responsibility for things that are not in my power to change.

Dealing with Difficult people at the workplace | Starting Small ...

Want to make sure that their out-of-line behavior doesn’t continue. What would you do? It’s far better to address the difficult person while you can maintain some objectivity and emotional control. Research has shown that these are some of the tips for dealing with a difficult person; Start out by examining yourself. Are you sure that the other person is really the problem and that you’re not overreacting? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with coworkers? Always start with self-examination to determine that the object of your attention really is a difficult person’s actions.

Explore what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague. Brainstorm ways to address the situation. When you are the object of an attack, or your boss appears to support the dysfunctional actions of a coworker, it is often difficult to objectively assess your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear and concern about making the situation worse are legitimate emotions. Pay attention to the unspoken agreement you create when you solicit another’s assistance. You are committing to act unless you agree actions will only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.

Approach the person with whom you are having the problem for a private discussion. Talk You can explain to your coworker the impact of their actions on you. Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk with the other person. They may not be aware of the impact of their words or actions on you. They may be learning about their impact on you for the first time. Or, they may have to consider and confront a pattern in their own interaction with people. Worst case scenario, they may know their impact on you and deny it or try to explain it away. Unfortunately, some difficult people just don’t care. During the discussion, attempt to reach agreement about positive and supportive actions going forward.

Follow up after the initial discussion. Has the behavior changed? Gotten better? Or worse? Determine whether a follow-up discussion is needed. Determine whether a follow-up discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want to continue to confront the difficult person by yourself. Become a peacemaker. (Decide how badly you want to make peace with the other person and how much you want your current job. Determine whether you have experienced a pattern of support from your boss.) If you answer, “yes,” to these questions, hold another discussion. If not, escalate and move to the next idea.

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